I try to stay upbeat, I really do. But some days I am just so discouraged. This morning I flipped back and forth bewteen anger and disappointment after I read Lilli's school progress report. Why do we always focus on the negative? I could look at all the great things Lilli IS doing but I zero in on the awful paragraph from the occupational therapist. Words like "non compliant" and "uncooperative" send me into a twist between mama-bear defensiveness and sorrow. I could not help myself, I called the therapist. But I took a deep breath before I called. I wanted to make sure I did not come off as an angry, defensive parent-in-denial. It was a good conversation. I tried to act like I was calling to be helpful but really I wanted to tell her that as Lilli's mom, I really need her to focus on the positive. Because there already is SO much negative.
So, I'm not trying to be Pollyanna here but I have to remind myself of the positive. Lilli has not had a seizure in a few weeks. She is on a new medicine now. I think she is happier. I think she feels better getting off the other drug. We are still weaning her off of it. I can't wait until we have her off of it completely. We are currently looking into theraputic horseback riding and applying for a seizure helper-dog. Lilli let me color with her hand over hand the other day, and I'm loving the fact that she is in love with a song from the Nutcracker ballet. It makes her so happy, we put it on repeat. She laughs and dances to it. She is eating solid food now! We worked diligently to help her get used to the idea of chewing different textures and now she is eating a real dinner, with a fork. After 3 years of puree, talk about progress!!
